Heave your sighs out torn and twisted lungs,
mangled by a lifestyle too tempting to keep.
Another slip, and in the toxic waste seeps.
Alone on these broken streets
The lights flicker,
Cicadas keeping their own beats
and looking at you I've never felt sicker.
Hard to remember the good times when
you set them on fire.
Lighting a match and watching it burn
In the dim light, your face full of sinister desire
Turning your sin to ash.
Still, you should know,
Just like all the others,-this won't last.
Defeated and fallen
the silence sets in,
I make no move towards you and your demons.
Such lifeless eyes
-And what is it that you're
When it rains it pours.
The blisters won't heal, and the sores have been cut.
Scars won't scab over and time stops for no one.
Honestly.
When it rains it pours.
The bones are still broken, and the joints have worn out.
Veins are clotting, and fractured hearts won't mend.
Coherently.
When it rains it pours.
Lungs have collapsed, and stomachs are starved.
Lips chapped, and skin is paper-thin.
Clearly.
Because when it rains, it pours.
You've got no way home but the cab is waiting.
No umbrella, but you're already soaked.
No money, still contemplating.
When it rains it pours,
and the body old and worn
submits.
"Try this baby, it'll make you fly."
An ember lit, a flame licked, a fire burned.
Puffing away all the
worries.
A brain cell or two lost couldn't hurt.
Well, you'd think.
Memory's shot, wonder if it's due to
The Monster.
You seek it out, so victim is not the allowed role.
A
Puppet
maybe.
Your
Puppet
Master
The
Monster,
with a wide grin and a glimmering persuasion you cannot resist.
T r i c k s
you into 'friends'
and you're hooked.
You cut your
strings,
and believe you are freed?
Stockholm Syndrome fills your veins.
The
Monster
must still be lingering there too.
Back
Back you will go.
Strin
Wonder exactly when and why
I shrunk my world.
What made me okay with it;
accepting isolation and
loss.
Wonder what made me so hesitant.
Why talking to people feels like such an
unnecessary
chore, like dusting.
I preached balance,
but knew n o t h i n g
of its semantics.
People are such a bother.
With their glares and stares.
Pity, in their eyes.
"Is that for me?"
"No, go away. Your kind isn't welcome here.
No one is
welcome here.
No one."
Silly little thing, with all your hopes and dreams.
You say what you think they want to here, and manipulation is one of your greatest talents.
You're all talk, and no action.
A letdown.
An over-exaggeration of yourself.
All the hype, and no give.
You'll drown yourself in your acceptance of a mediocre life.
You choose to stop progressing?
You've stopped living.
With no goals, what's there to strive for?
What's there to accomplish?
Life is nothing without challenges.
And you're choosing not to face yours, you're choosing the easy way out.
Maybe feelings are given to everyone.
A certain limit set on them.
And some people use them all up.
They use them up until they can't feel anything anymore.
An uncertainty sets in, a numbness that you're unaware of.
Non-participation, fraud of a life being lived.
Heave your sighs out torn and twisted lungs,
mangled by a lifestyle too tempting to keep.
Another slip, and in the toxic waste seeps.
Alone on these broken streets
The lights flicker,
Cicadas keeping their own beats
and looking at you I've never felt sicker.
Hard to remember the good times when
you set them on fire.
Lighting a match and watching it burn
In the dim light, your face full of sinister desire
Turning your sin to ash.
Still, you should know,
Just like all the others,-this won't last.
Defeated and fallen
the silence sets in,
I make no move towards you and your demons.
Such lifeless eyes
-And what is it that you're
When it rains it pours.
The blisters won't heal, and the sores have been cut.
Scars won't scab over and time stops for no one.
Honestly.
When it rains it pours.
The bones are still broken, and the joints have worn out.
Veins are clotting, and fractured hearts won't mend.
Coherently.
When it rains it pours.
Lungs have collapsed, and stomachs are starved.
Lips chapped, and skin is paper-thin.
Clearly.
Because when it rains, it pours.
You've got no way home but the cab is waiting.
No umbrella, but you're already soaked.
No money, still contemplating.
When it rains it pours,
and the body old and worn
submits.
"Try this baby, it'll make you fly."
An ember lit, a flame licked, a fire burned.
Puffing away all the
worries.
A brain cell or two lost couldn't hurt.
Well, you'd think.
Memory's shot, wonder if it's due to
The Monster.
You seek it out, so victim is not the allowed role.
A
Puppet
maybe.
Your
Puppet
Master
The
Monster,
with a wide grin and a glimmering persuasion you cannot resist.
T r i c k s
you into 'friends'
and you're hooked.
You cut your
strings,
and believe you are freed?
Stockholm Syndrome fills your veins.
The
Monster
must still be lingering there too.
Back
Back you will go.
Strin
Wonder exactly when and why
I shrunk my world.
What made me okay with it;
accepting isolation and
loss.
Wonder what made me so hesitant.
Why talking to people feels like such an
unnecessary
chore, like dusting.
I preached balance,
but knew n o t h i n g
of its semantics.
People are such a bother.
With their glares and stares.
Pity, in their eyes.
"Is that for me?"
"No, go away. Your kind isn't welcome here.
No one is
welcome here.
No one."
Silly little thing, with all your hopes and dreams.
You say what you think they want to here, and manipulation is one of your greatest talents.
You're all talk, and no action.
A letdown.
An over-exaggeration of yourself.
All the hype, and no give.
You'll drown yourself in your acceptance of a mediocre life.
You choose to stop progressing?
You've stopped living.
With no goals, what's there to strive for?
What's there to accomplish?
Life is nothing without challenges.
And you're choosing not to face yours, you're choosing the easy way out.
Maybe feelings are given to everyone.
A certain limit set on them.
And some people use them all up.
They use them up until they can't feel anything anymore.
An uncertainty sets in, a numbness that you're unaware of.
Non-participation, fraud of a life being lived.
I took my state test to become certified today.
I got 5 skills that I had to perform (selected randomly from 24 skills) in front of an instructor. I did very well, I'm thinking. I hate having to tell people upfront that I stutter, it's embarrassing... Oh well. My written test was a little bit harder, simply because there were some questions that asked me about things I'd never learned. Kind of scary, but I took my best swing at them with every bit of common sense I could muster. We'll see how it goes. I won't get my results back for 3 or more days, so I'm getting used to this mixture of nausea and anxiety from the anticipation.
Such is life
I've buried it away,
but not too deep
It's something I need
But nothing I should keep.
Occasionally, I go after it,
my soul hungry for more
Craving the memories,
the person I adored.
He's so far away,
I'm not sure he exists,
but he remains in my mind
Frozen bliss
For the sake of my sanity,
I have to leave you behind
And so I have,
I'll feel better in time.
Do you remember the day she was found?
her lively spirit had been beaten and drowned
Warnings galore, but she laughed them away,
Running ahead, living for today.
Didn't care for valuables or how they gleam
She spent all her time chasing empty dreams.
Skipping around with her head in the clouds,
she never wanted to come back down
Everybody heard when she crashed and burned,
Her face had changed, her luck had turned
Hope for better days had been sewn in her skin,
forever wishing that someone would love her again
But oh, I remember the youth in her eyes
Sparkling, more beautiful than the blue in the sky
I'd give up my life to hold her hand on
They return once again, the hunger pains,
some could say this is all in vain.
The emptiness threatens to consume my being,
I wonder what it is that I'm not seeing.
The wonder and beauty that others seem to possess
I'm beginning to see it less and less.
Digging up the corpse, my deceased past,
they haunt me mercilessly, the good times that didn't last.
The days when smiles seemed to be effortless,
it pains me now to see them laid to rest.
I dug the grave myself, filled it with dirt,
doomed myself to a lifetime of hurt.
There was one person at the funeral, and that was me.
Standing there, staring, unable to unsee.
Blank expression, empty eye
Dance with me, you're bittersweet,
you walk beside me as I walk down the street.
People look, see only me,
they don't see what I can see.
You're always there, every moment of everyday,
You always know what I'm about to say,
You know every thought, every temptation,
You can always find me at any location.
Lonely is your name, you're my best friend,
You're the only thing I can comprehend.
Seems everyone knows you, not that it's good,
I'm sure we'd get rid of you, if only we could.
No one likes to be alone, it just happens that way,
Lonely, you hover over me, why do you stay?
I want to lock you in a room, show you what it's like
To be constan
It's times like these when I know.
I know what I thought I knew before,
and it gets burned into my mind
harder
hotter
than before
Smiles to make you happy
tears to drain the emotions
you shouldn't worry
not about me
not now
with a bang of my head into the
wall
hypnosis occurs
brainwashing begins
forgotten
it will be
Lately
I don't have a choice anymore
maybe i never did
just maybe.
relapse is bittersweet.
I've been trying to write this spoken word piece and it's been driving me insane with writers' block and my obnoxious need for perfection. AHH, I just don't care if it's not that great anymore. I'm lying, I really want to write this to the best of my ability.
Crazy, how toxic someone can be for you and you don't even realize it. Ridiculous, how much you'll let someone break you down and somehow believe they're the only one who can build you back up. Pathetic, all the things you'll throw away and turn your back on for this one particular poison that tastes so sweet; bitter sweet, that is.
I honestly can't stand it; I can't stand that I wasted this last year of my life physically and emotionally maiming myself to a point I didn't believe possible. My hair was falling out, I could barely manage to keep my 130-pound-build above 100 pounds, I didn't sleep, ever, and what little food I was able